I started a purposeful journey toward improved mental and emotional health in 2020. One pattern I’ve noticed is this: Learn of blind spot → Do work to clear blind spot → Space now exists where it didn’t before → I grow into that space → People in my life aren’t used to this new growth.
Another way I’ve come to understand it is through something I heard Uranio Paes mention on his Enneagram 2.0 Podcast with Beatrice Chestnut; that people generally report increased kindness, patience and self-awareness in [enneagram] numbers one through eight after they do some of their ‘work’, but friends of Enneagram Nines report increased self-reliance, stubbornness and sometimes emotional distance in the Nine. He explains that this is likely due to a reacquainted sense of self, of one’s desires and goals, and a new understanding that the Nine deserves these things as much as anyone else.
As a person who identifies as a Nine of the Enneagram, I can confirm this pretty hard. Thankfully, my partner and most of my friends have also done some work and have been willing to flex and grow alongside me.
But not everyone. I have noticed new strains on old relationships. Some of those relationships now feel as though they’re on life support, instead of being life-giving. For these relationships, I wonder whether the person would prefer the older, less healthy version of Chris. If given the chance, would they choose to trim back the growth in favor of a tidier, more known space?
And so goes the one constant—change. For all our best-laid plans—to quote Dr. Ian Malcolm—life finds a way.